Wake Up, Therapists! The World of Relationships Has Changed.
We can’t ignore it anymore. Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) isn’t some niche, fringe movement. It’s everywhere. As therapists, we’re already failing by not being prepared for clients who come to us for help with these relationship structures. Whether it’s polyamory, swinging, or relationship anarchy—these are real, valid ways people live their lives, and it’s our ethical responsibility to get with the program.
But are we?
Sadly, most of us aren’t. In fact, I’ve seen first-hand that many therapists are clueless about ENM, and worse—some of you are causing harm by clinging to outdated biases and misconceptions. I announced my new ENM course for therapists and was flooded with comments like:
- “Ethical non-monogamy? Isn’t that an oxymoron?”
- “This is why society is crumbling.”
- “What’s next? Teaching people to embrace polygamy?”
It’s not just the trolls. These reactions reveal an urgent problem: many of us in the mental health field are unprepared and uneducated about ENM. And if we’re not careful, our ignorance could do real damage to clients who are looking to us for support.
ENM Clients Are Walking Into Your Office—Are You Ready?
Therapists often pride themselves on being non-judgmental, but let’s be real for a second. Can you honestly say you’re equipped to sit across from an ENM client and give them the compassionate, informed care they deserve? Or are you going to fall into the trap of thinking:
- This is just a phase.
- They must have commitment issues.
- Aren’t they just trying to avoid real intimacy?
It’s this kind of untrained thinking that can destroy trust between a therapist and a client. These clients are already dealing with the social stigma of being in non-traditional relationships, and the last thing they need is a therapist reinforcing that same shame and misunderstanding.
ENM Is Not “Cheating” on Steroids—Let’s Clear This Up
One of the biggest misconceptions about ENM is that it’s just cheating with fancy language. That’s absolutely false. ENM relationships are based on clear communication, ongoing consent, and mutual respect. This is not about sneaking around or betraying partners—it’s about building connections in a way that aligns with everyone’s values and desires.
Yet, clients are still walking into therapy offices across the country and being met with judgment. One client told me:
“It was easier coming out as queer to my therapist than coming out as non-monogamous.”
This is unacceptable. Clients deserve better than to feel like their therapist is silently judging them for not conforming to monogamy.
Why Therapists Need This Training—Now More Than Ever
Let’s get brutally honest: If you don’t know how to work with ENM clients, you’re failing them. It’s not just about missing the mark; it’s about causing harm. You might think, “I’m a good therapist—I’m just doing my best,” but your best isn’t good enough if you don’t have the tools to navigate these complex relationships.
Without training, here’s what you risk:
- Invalidating your client’s relationship style: This leads to isolation, shame, and potentially even worsened mental health.
- Fumbling through sessions: Trying to help your clients manage jealousy, boundaries, and time management in ENM relationships without any foundational knowledge can leave them feeling misunderstood.
- Reinforcing stigma: By not understanding ENM, you’re reinforcing the very stigma they’re trying to overcome, making them feel “wrong” for how they choose to love.
The Stakes Are High—Therapist Missteps Can Wreak Havoc
What happens if we don’t change? ENM clients will continue to feel invisible or, worse, attacked. And the mental health toll can be devastating. Imagine a client coming to you, vulnerable and ready to work through their challenges, only to feel dismissed because their relationship doesn’t fit your narrow idea of what’s “healthy.”
Your ignorance becomes their trauma. And it doesn’t have to be this way.
Take the First Step: ENM Training Is Essential
Look, I get it—there’s a lot to keep up with in this profession. But when 20% of Americans have participated in some form of ENM, and we’re still not prepared to serve them, we’ve got a problem. This is why I’ve developed an Ethical Non-Monogamy course specifically for mental health professionals. This is not some optional elective—it’s a necessity if you’re serious about doing no harm.
This course is designed to:
- Equip you with the tools to support ENM clients without bias.
- Teach you how to handle complex emotions like jealousy and insecurity.
- Guide you in fostering healthy communication and boundary-setting in ENM relationships.
This is about becoming the kind of therapist your clients deserve—one who understands their world, challenges your own biases, and provides genuinely inclusive care.
Don’t Be Part of the Problem—Be Part of the Solution
Our clients trust us to guide them through their darkest moments. They’re asking us to see them, to support them, to help them grow. But if we aren’t willing to grow as professionals—if we stay stuck in outdated views—how can we expect to be the kind of healers they need?
It’s time to step up. It’s time to get trained.
